Fantasizing About Others: The Intricacies of American Sexual Behaviors and Thoughts

Imagine the shock when a recent study revealed that nearly half of all Americans have thought of someone else during sex. What are the implications of this confession for relationship dynamics and gender inequalities? Are we on the brink of a sexual revolution or is this merely a reflection of our primal instincts? Join us as we expose, analyze and challenge the sexual thoughts and behaviors of the modern American.

We uncover truths about why men tend to engage in sex, even if they're not in the mood, and why women are more likely to decline under the same circumstances. We'll stir up controversy discussing the concept of 'holes and poles' and what it means for long-term relationships. This conversation takes a raw look at monogamy, its feasibility, and the potential for real intimacy in a committed relationship. Buckle up as we navigate through power dynamics in sexual relationships, and the practice of vaginal steaming. We'll also explore our evolutionary history to understand current sexual behaviors.

We won't shy away from discussing celebrity influence on personal behaviors, making particular reference to followers of celebrities like Gwyneth Paltrow. We'll dissect why it's crucial to critically analyze advice, even from celebrities, and the need to customize it to one's personal needs. The conversation also underscores the importance of open dialogue in discussing fantasies and desires with your partner to foster a healthy, consensual sexual relationship. So, brace yourselves for an episode that is as informative as it is thought-provoking.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Are you saying you faked with me?

Speaker 2: 0:02

Yeah, I just can't say oh.

Speaker 1: 0:07

Oh, oh, so cool, I can't wrong now you're single.

Speaker 3: 0:10

What do you know about sexual relations? Is it true that if you don't use it, you use it?

Speaker 2: 0:16

I'm a little worried about being a slut. You're listening to the Come With Us podcast Talking the good, the kinky and the ugly. Here are your hosts, beth and Erin.

Speaker 3: 0:28

Do you ever find your mind wandering during, you know, during, during the midst of this hot and heavy sexy fun with your partner? If so, you're not alone. In fact, a whopping 49% of Americans, in this recent study, admitted that they're thinking of somebody else when they're busy fucking somebody. They're somebody, they're committed to. They're 49%. All right, sexy holds and polls.

Speaker 3: 0:56

We got to talk about this Welcome to Come With Us podcast. We know sexy stuff matters just as much of the lovey-dovey stuff, and we're here to help you get all of the pleasure you deserve. So today we're going to talk about oh, I'm Beth Darling, by the way, from BethDarlingcom, here with Erin. Sorry, erin, I always forget this, but I forget to introduce myself as well as you, but anyway. So today we're going to be talking about this recent study that one poll did in collaboration with a sex toy company, of which I'm not going to name, but I don't like to pimp their products. I don't think they're the greatest products, I think they're overpriced sometimes, but here we go. So we're going to talk about that and all sorts of other lessons that we learned about how and why people love and what they're really thinking in the midst of sexy stuff. So all right, erin, you want to kick this off? I know you were. Were you surprised by that number? 49%?

Speaker 1: 1:52

Not really, I don't know. I mean it's interesting and I don't remember seeing that they actually broke it down of how much of men and how much of women actually do.

Speaker 3: 2:05

Yeah, I didn't see that either.

Speaker 1: 2:07

Because that's the interesting thing is because we've talked in the past several times about how it's harder for women to get off, and so, you know, I'd like to see where that that slice goes through. Is it 20% of men and you know, 80% of the women that said they do, is it, you know?

Speaker 3: 2:25

Well, if you had to guess, what do you think?

Speaker 1: 2:31

If I have to guess, I'm probably going to say and I'm still going to skew it probably 65-35 women to men.

Speaker 3: 2:44

See, I'm thinking that it's more men because men watch porn and I know, as a woman, we're thinking, oh, or they see some hot, you know some hot person on the street and we're thinking, oh, is that who you're thinking about? Would you're fucking me? Like, are you just making do with my imperfect body and fantasizing about somebody else's perfect perfection?

Speaker 1: 3:06

Yeah, I don't know, maybe I'm weird, but that never once enters my mind. It's because I'm interested in you and luckily there's only been the one you. But like I and guys I know, like if we're fucking, there's never a I'm going to fuck you in, just because, well, in spite of the fact that I don't want to be here, like if he's fucking you, he's into you somehow.

Speaker 3: 3:33

Right, he wants to be there, okay, yeah.

Speaker 1: 3:36

I don't even know a guy to just fuck just because and not for actual you know, oh shit, might as well.

Speaker 3: 3:44

But there was this study also found that 61% of people have sex even when they're not in the mood, which I thought was interesting, which again I want to see that.

Speaker 1: 3:54

I want to see the breakdown in gender disparity on that.

Speaker 3: 3:57

Yeah, so what did they? I'm kind of looking up oh, 71% of men. 71% of men said that they'll have sex even if they're not in the mood, compared to 53% of women. So I think it's because women just won't have sex then.

Speaker 1: 4:16

Yeah, women have this magical power of saying no, and men, yes, you do have the power of saying no if you want, but at the same time, I See this is why I want to be on these. I want to be on the panel that asks the questions. Uh-huh, yeah, I know that this toy company probably paid and one. The way they do these from my understanding from a buddy who worked in research and stuff is they give you questions and you have to go in and you ask those questions and they will give you, sometimes like an addendum, like if so many percent of the group agrees, you're allowed to ask this specifically worded question.

Speaker 1: 4:51

You have to read it this way to try to get to the root. Yeah, a lot of times it's just here's your, here's your, your prompter. Go in there and ask them.

Speaker 1: 4:59

Yeah, okay but if I were there, I would be telling this company hey look, we're gonna spend a couple extra minutes because, for guys who say 71%, so they do it when they're not in the mood Is it because you Treasure it as a commodity, because you're not having it as much as you want and you don't want to pass up the op? Because If I fed you a six course meal, right, you hadn't had, you hadn't had chocolate chip cookies in two months. Right, I have you so full you are ready to throw up. But I offer you a chocolate chip cookie. What are you gonna do?

Speaker 1: 5:32

Oh, I throw up and eat the chocolate chip cookie Of course the chocolate chip cookie and then throw it all up. Yeah, if you don't have that cookie for two months or two weeks or whatever, as much as you're wanting to have a chocolate chip cookie and somebody offers you, to you, even though you're not hungry, you're gonna go oh fuck, I'll eat that chocolate chip cookie, I don't care.

Speaker 3: 5:47

Yeah, but then one and eight. One and eight people said that they rarely or never achieve orgasm.

Speaker 1: 6:01

One in eight right, that's hold on one, hold on. Let me do my seventh grade fractions because I failed that Multiple times, gotten so much trouble.

Speaker 2: 6:13

Well, it's more than 125, so 12 and a half percent.

Speaker 3: 6:16

Yeah right, so 12 percent of all people don't have an orgasm, mm-hmm, while having, and yeah and even, um, only 18 percent of the people said that they always orgasm and of course, of that 18 percent that was mostly men. But yeah, I thought that that men orgasm every almost. I would have thought that 75% of men orgasm almost every time.

Speaker 1: 6:44

That's surprising, yeah that's a I mean it's surprising for me because that's, you know, I mean my relationship, kind of a grower, you know, goes by the old adage that it's over when you know or not it's over, but you know Orgasm needs to be had by both, or else it's kind of just a waste. Like what are you doing? Like, if only one person gets it, like, why does the other person want to be there?

Speaker 3: 7:09

Well, and and I see that sometimes it is fun to have you know I suggest people do three-minute blowjobs and stuff. I think there can be a lot of joy in sexy fun Without it necessarily being orgasmic, but it shouldn't be. If that's the case, it should be like, once in a while, right One goes without the other. It shouldn't be like all the time, and typically that's what happened, men. Yeah you know, usually will come and women may or may not, and that, yeah, that's not reasonable.

Speaker 3: 7:39

But, like you, would go down on your wife one day. If she had a bad day and she just wanted you to go down and you didn't, you know she wasn't gonna get you off and she didn't want to be fucked. You'd be like sure.

Speaker 1: 7:50

But that's also right. But that's I'm talking straight, pnv fucking. If you are going to, if we are going, if there's going to be penetration Below the belt, because the blow job is different, if there's penetration below the belt and Neither one of us or I don't get to, Well, okay, so they also don't cataclyst, they don't clarify whether or not it's really sexy, fun or whether it's and see, that's the penetration.

Speaker 3: 8:18

You know, okay, I could get that. And if again.

Speaker 1: 8:21

Sorry if you give me a three-minute blow job and then you literally go, okay, well, and like I don't come, and then you go, okay, zip up your pants, let's go like, and there's no promise of oh hey, we're running late for dinner, I'll finish it when we get back, or something like that. Or you're just like, all right, so I'm gonna go back sitting on the couch and watch TV like we're gonna have a real, real hard talk about shit.

Speaker 3: 8:43

Oh, no, no, no, because no.

Speaker 1: 8:46

Using it and a power dynamic of edging your partner. Yeah, that's not. No, don't do that and leave that.

Speaker 3: 8:53

And then just like oh, all right cool I'm, but I say it as long as you give notice, because that's the you don't want it started and then you're like thinking you're going and then Somebody says, no, right, that's a power play. But if the deal is just hey, you know what, I just want to suck your cock for a minute or two, okay, yeah, then you know it's not about the orgasm, but it still feels good.

Speaker 1: 9:13

Yeah, ladies, still make it obvious. Yes, yeah, absolutely him come tell him before you take your dick in his mouth right or tell him you got three minutes Right.

Speaker 3: 9:24

Put everybody on the same page. I think that's always, always key, and that's the thing. Whenever you just have, if you have a limited amount of time, you know, any sort of restraint. I need to be quiet because I don't want somebody outside in the hall to hear I've only got three minutes, or, by the way, you can't mess up my outfit or don't mess up my makeup, right? Just put those things out there.

Speaker 3: 9:46

So yeah both on the same page and nobody gets their feelings hurt. It's just okay, we're gonna do this, and here are the parameters.

Speaker 1: 9:53

Yeah, but the thought of like me and my wife rolling around in the sheets, yeah, and both of us looking at each other and being like, all right, I'm done like I didn't orgasm, but I'm done like, that just seems nuts to me. Yeah, and maybe I'm selfish or whatever, but Now yeah.

Speaker 3: 10:12

I would be surprised, but there are times when I cannot work as them, for whatever reason. Like I just Either I'm just tired, either usually does, right.

Speaker 1: 10:22

That's what I'm saying is that if this number is right, that means there are a lot of couples where neither of them are doing are coming. Yeah right. That's fucking so obtuse to me that it's just Are you done? I'm done. I guess like, why, yeah, there's still more to the show. You didn't get to the final song, like you got to get to the closing song, yeah well and see.

Speaker 3: 10:50

Part of that is why I don't. There are a lot of, in fact, and even in this article and stuff there were people that were talking that, experts that were saying that it was okay for people to fantasize about somebody else while they're fucking their lover, and I actually don't think that's a good thing, unless, unless you tell your, your your lover. This is what I'm thinking of. Right again, if you're both on the same page, that's okay.

Speaker 1: 11:17

Okay, we're gonna have hairs here though. Okay, but so what if the person I'm imagining isn't real?

Speaker 3: 11:25

Then you still tell me Jessica Rabbit, right, just tell me. Just tell, because I don't want. If you really are imagining something else in your mind, then basically you are, you're disassociating if your mind is disassociated. Disassociated, then that's not good. But if you let me know what's going on, you don't have to disassociate.

Speaker 1: 11:47

What if, both being it, you're fantasizing about your partner doing something or wearing something, or in a situation that you know that they will not do in person. So telling them isn't going to help. And You're still fit it. You're still thinking about your partner, but you're thinking about them doing something that they've already said. No, it's off the table.

Speaker 3: 12:04

Okay, I said I suggest that that be a fantasy when you're solo pleasuring, because then you can think about anything you want to, because it's all you. But if I'm there and you're fucking me and you're busy thinking about Jessica Rabbit, there's part of me that's gonna know by the way, I've never thought about Jessica Rabbit wall. Well, I know whatever, because she's like sexiest cartoon character. She is I agree.

Speaker 1: 12:30

I'm gonna go to one number one.

Speaker 3: 12:31

sexy cartoon characters, yes, but that's thing, but I would want like to know that or something and like so if we were fucking and you told me, I'd be like, oh, what about it? Well, and I might start moving, like I might imagine her to move, and I'd be like I don't know who was the, the male character in that show. I'd be like oh, Roger Rabbit. Okay, then you're Roger Rabbit. Oh, look at this, I didn't know weird, oh jumping, you know, but he was an actual fucking rabbit.

Speaker 1: 12:57

Oh, by the way, I don't know you never seen who framed Roger Rabbit?

Speaker 3: 13:01

I did see it. It was just forever and years ago, decades.

Speaker 1: 13:04

Yeah, I mean, that was also really weird yeah yeah, I don't.

Speaker 3: 13:08

I don't even remember the premise, I just I know she was hot bombshell redhead fucks a rabbit. Oh, now I have to watch it again. Okay, I mean, they don't really.

Speaker 1: 13:17

Like her name is Jessica Rabbit, because Roger is his first name, rabbit is his last name oh he is Mrs Jessica Rabbit.

Speaker 3: 13:24

Wow, okay well but yeah, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, all the Rogers out there might be getting new nicknames now.

Speaker 3: 13:30

Oh hello, mr Rabbit but um, but no, I really I think it's. I don't think it's good To be disassociating with partner play, but I agree, like if you have a partner who's not into ask, play and whatever and you want to fantasize about that on your own, great. In fact, your partner might even be like oh, that's good, because I can do that. We're my fantasies, you know. Like I tell people it's like, as long as I look good and I'm sexy as hell and you get off to me, I'm thrilled, like you know, and sometimes I want to know what crazy fantasies they're thinking about me while they're jerking off or whatever. But but it really does take you away from what's going on if you're fantasizing about somebody else and your partner doesn't know it.

Speaker 1: 14:12

So I don't see that, like I don't understand, I'm being in the moment. Right, that's exactly it, and so I don't understand why we have a whole, a whole bunch of experts out there Basically encouraging people to cop out Right to escape and I mean during what is supposed to be seriously joyful, pleasurable or Gasmic intimacy, you know I'll make the excuse, or not even the excuse, but you, you get a tiny little backdoor to exit and use this as your excuse if it's a hookup, oh but at the same time Again, yeah, why.

Speaker 1: 14:51

And there are probably guys who have listened to the first part of this episode and said fuck that, you idiot. I've fucked, even though I wasn't into the girl, just because I want to get my dick wet. Okay, well, good for you, that's it. I met, I met a swinger guy. You're somehow attracted to the person you're sticking your dick in right, but like I don't understand that.

Speaker 3: 15:08

I met a swinger guy who told me that, while while he does fuck other women, when he's fucking them, the only way that he orgasms is by thinking of his wife fucking somebody else and.

Speaker 1: 15:23

But see, that's not him fucking his wife. He's not thinking about him fucking his wife, he's thinking about his wife getting fucked by somebody else, right.

Speaker 3: 15:28

But so here's my response Right, this is in my personal life. I said, well, I don't ever want to fuck you. If you're gonna be fucking me thinking about your wife, what she's doing, no way, if I don't have a hundred percent of your attention, I don't want to do it. And Frankly, I said, if I was thinking about somebody else, you probably don't want me fucking you, because why bother that? That's when you could use a sex doll or something. When you're really just a surrogate, that's a surrogate situation.

Speaker 1: 15:59

But see, here's my question, because we've both been a naughty in New Orleans. We've interviewed TJ, who the entire prospector or the entire focus of his room that he runs at naughty in New Orleans is the guys don't get to fucking come. That it's all about making women feel good. Now if if he is doing it because that's what he enjoys is Making women come, and he can fuck you for 45 minutes, make you come six times and then go, all right, cool, you're done like I don't need to work out.

Speaker 1: 16:28

He does and clearly right the people in that room, the guys, this guy Like do, does that give him a pass if he, if like say you're in a relationship and you're fine with your boyfriend Getting blown by his wife, yeah, and he goes well, fuck it, I can use my dick and get you off. It doesn't like, of course he doesn't say it just like that, but you guys fool around and he helps you work as him a couple of times and then goes, yeah, all right, I'm done.

Speaker 3: 16:53

Yeah that would be okay, right, if I knew that. And he just said I, I don't, I don't orgasm with other people, with other partners, then I have the right to say yay or nay, but at least I know I'm getting what I'm getting into, okay, and then I don't feel like but you think he should not have the fact that, yes, if he's gonna fuck you and if he's going to come, he's not gonna be thinking about you when he comes.

Speaker 3: 17:14

Yes, because otherwise I think it's kind of like cheating if, because I want to feel like I am enough Most of us do we want to know that, that the person that we're with wants to be with us. Yeah, and especially in long-term relationships, there are so many women that that that really do start feeling like, oh god, he's just, we're just a whole right. And we use the term holes and polls Jokingly because they fit so well together. Well, it's also. Nobody wants to feel like an anonymous or a meaningless whole or not probably an, maybe in glory holes. You know that's a different thing, but again, everybody knows that what that, that deal is yeah, the anonymity, but you're also, you're also not in a.

Speaker 1: 18:04

If you and there are probably some people out there who get off on the idea of just being a hole for their Significant other right at times, yes, but if that's how you see yourself and that's how your partner sees you in a long-term, committed relationship, right, I'm gonna recommend y'all go and sit down with this a, a counselor or a coach or somebody, because call me Like you gotta, you gotta move past that. You can't. That's yes, that's very barb. Like that's. That's a hundred percent pre what. We're homo sapiens. What was the era before homo sapiens?

Speaker 2: 18:44

Oh, I know.

Speaker 1: 18:44

Magnans or whatever, like they were human-shaped but they didn't understand language and they didn't communicate well and they didn't do like. That's what that is. It's an unevolved human. You're not a human, you're basically just a monkey.

Speaker 3: 18:59

I Whatever but. But I think sometimes, like in a in a role play situation or a Power play situation, it could just be where somebody says to their partner I am just gonna use you, this is about my pleasure.

Speaker 1: 19:15

It's not the play, and that's exactly. That's the play.

Speaker 3: 19:18

That's the kink and everybody's on the same you're making my dinner.

Speaker 1: 19:21

And guess what, even though you're making my dinner, or Right, then don't run sure. I can do whatever I want with.

Speaker 3: 19:28

Conscious right, and that's why I'm saying so as long as people are on the same page, knowingly so, if you tell me, okay, I'm gonna fuck you and think about you know whomever it is, and I can say, yeah, your name, just don't yeah, that's what, that's what I think. So yeah, it's me against a litany of very esteemed Professionals in this world and I just still think they're wrong.

Speaker 1: 19:53

Yeah, they're gonna steam my nuts, I don't care oh.

Speaker 3: 19:56

My god, do you know? Women steam their pussies what you heard of that? Yeah, that is such a thing, I think, like in goop or some bullshit, like people talked about it and then she talked about it and they know. Okay, so you sit on, basically like a, a toilet seat or a cleaning chair and Underneath you put water that is steamy, but it has to be so many inches away so it's not burn. It doesn't burn your pussy.

Speaker 3: 20:22

Yeah but you sit and then you drape like I don't know and there were places that you could do this like I don't know, like wellness clinics or something and you drape Some sort of towel around so nobody necessarily is seeing your pussy and you sit there and it's supposed to steam and they think it's healthy and I'm like that is not healthy. Your pussy is not meant to be like Steamed. It's crazy. The best it's like a self-cleaning oven. Just leave it alone and when it's healthy it works beautifully.

Speaker 1: 20:53

That that okay. Yeah, that's that's point a, but point B being, if you ever had a humidifier, like I was, I got sick as a kid. I had a lot of allergy and sinus infection problems, so I had a humidifier. My parents had to spend money on specifically distilled water, because you can't put tap water in a humidifier because when it becomes Humidity and steam and you breathe it in, you're breathing in all that extra bacteria and gunk that is on the faucet in the pipes.

Speaker 3: 21:22

No, why that asked for distilled water? I had no idea.

Speaker 1: 21:26

This is, I don't think, I my understanding of it from when I was a child. Wow, I might be completely wrong. There might be an ENT who's listening or some other type of medical professionals going fucking idiot. No, there's not. Once. It's the key. It kills all the bacteria. I don't think it gets hot enough because at that point in time you're getting way too hot to kill all of that bacteria. Now, if you're steaming your badge and you're, and they're just, you know, bringing in a garden hose and filling up this little chamber pot, you know, hey, it's on a hot plate.

Speaker 3: 21:53

I you are inviting all kinds of stuff in there that you are Gonna need some, whatever no, because this is why they tell you like, when the water supply is tainted, they tell you to boil water, so boiling boiling water is not steam.

Speaker 1: 22:07

You can steam water without boiling it. Oh. In the morning without being constantly boiled. Okay, okay, that's true, I got you, okay, you don't know, I don't know that 2 212 degrees. Right, you're right.

Speaker 3: 22:20

So so I don't know, but I'm telling you I don't think that that's a very good idea and I don't think steaming any like now.

Speaker 1: 22:26

When you said steamed pussies, I was thinking of, like the steam thing from Starbucks where they make your like latte and oh my god. And I was like Jesus, like that. It's like no, it's a weird. It's like the dentist tool where the air gun. And it just shoots. Hot moist air is your bet. Yeah, no.

Speaker 3: 22:44

My brain went. That would be also very, very, very bad.

Speaker 1: 22:50

Me feel better about myself. An email let's come with us confessions at gmailcom, because I I need to know I'm at least some, I somebody has something in common with me and my brain is not broken. But yeah, if you, if you Google, so I decided to do this. I'm not gonna say professionally, because that sounds weird clinically. I googled steamed labia and it's called vaginal steaming.

Speaker 1: 23:11

Yeah and there's the. The Cleveland clinic of health essentials has an article on like, and women's health has a whole article with a headline vaginal steaming why you shouldn't steam your vagina.

Speaker 3: 23:23

Thank you. Yes, right, and that's a thing, but it got.

Speaker 1: 23:26

Celebrities who act like they know what they are doing. Guess what? She is an actress. She is. Her entire life is faking it. That's what acting is. You have to fake it with confidence or you're not a good actor. Yeah, guess what? She is still acting like she knows what she's talking about. She has no fucking idea.

Speaker 3: 23:45

She's also the one, I think. I told you this that she created a manufacturer or whatever, a branded a vibrator and then when she was interviewed about it and they said, well, have you used it? She refused to answer. She would you create something and not talk about now? And it's crazy.

Speaker 1: 24:05

Yeah, look. Yeah, I know not to disparage Someone who is so highly esteemed, but this whole problem started with Oprah Because she was famous and she was on TV Right. When she like like remember mid 90s when she started losing weight, everybody all of her audience went oh well, I gotta do whatever she says she did. I'm gonna do that because that works for me. No, it doesn't. She was a billionaire. And guess what it takes? Not what she did. It takes counter your calories, working out, eating healthy, being active, but I will tell you no, she talks about that now she's credit.

Speaker 3: 24:41

No, she did even then she brought on experts to talk about and I will tell you so, she also. This is why she doesn't like if you go to Cosmo, they'll list like 10 best vibrators. Yeah, those are pain right now. The manufacturers paid to be included in that.

Speaker 1: 24:59

I'm not saying she was a fraud and how she wasn't because her list is always things that she actually liked. It was the cultural reaction of women who are in her audience who went. Whatever she says, because it works for her, I'm gonna do and right, and that's not a bad though.

Speaker 1: 25:15

I steam my vagina. I'm gonna believe it and not even research it, because you know Gwyneth Paltrow says she does it and I'm gonna fucking believe her. No, stop believing people who don't deserve. If you wouldn't trust them to take care of your cat for a day and keep that alive, don't trust them with advice about your body.

Speaker 3: 25:34

Yeah, and I'll just say I will defend sorry. Right, but Oprah was responsible about that stuff, I think she was sure she made mistakes, but she really did try to be forthright about what was going on and what people could actually really do without over promising or making stupid statements about things that she didn't actually Know anything about well over a.

Speaker 1: 25:56

Please don't sue me, it was just an example of how powerful you are, yeah, and your voice, and when your voice reached that maximum capacity yeah, every woman in the world every woman in the.

Speaker 2: 26:04

US knew that if she had gone on onto her.

Speaker 1: 26:07

Under her stage and said do this, it'll make you feel better, right? If she'd gone on there and said hey, when you have a head cold, dip your head in the tub and then go outside in a 30 degree Day, I promise you're gonna be better, right? People would have done it right now. She wasn't irresponsible like that. No, I didn't watch the show. I was a young boy.

Speaker 3: 26:25

No, she didn't. But you know, dr Oz yes, another idiot Celebrity showers Right, because he used the fact that he's a doctor and then he would endorse shit that he should have known. That was bullshit, Right. I believe in challenging you should challenge your experts and stuff.

Speaker 1: 26:43

I mean, vet your celebrities if they're going to give you advice, because they don't have your Even your neighbors and your friends, because we never know again.

Speaker 3: 26:50

right before this episode, I'm going to get so screwed over all this shit.

Speaker 1: 26:54

I was such an idiot, right? You're my lawyer, by the way, right, when they drop charges on or a lawsuit against me for badmouthing them, sorry, no, no, we're going to have.

Speaker 3: 27:03

Yeah, anything we say. Right, don't take everything we say at our word either. Feel free to double check it. But that's like right before this episode, when I couldn't hear you, we were getting ready and it turns out that there's this little button on my microphone that's the volume for my ear set. It took us 20, took me 20 minutes and you were just like what the fuck, beth? Like well, I don't pretend to know. I don't give expert advice about audio equipment or technology. So, yeah, don't listen to me about that shit. So stay in your lane, people, right, or admit what you don't know. You can give your opinion.

Speaker 1: 27:43

And that's the best part about being a human is you can honestly tell look at somebody and go, I don't fucking know. You know how many times I say that. My wife is told at her job. She is allowed to and encouraged. If you don't know the answer, say I do not know. There is nothing wrong with telling somebody you don't know an answer Right.

Speaker 3: 28:04

And it's the best thing you can do. At my mentor as a lawyer, that was one of the first things he told me he's like until you learn that you're going to suck as a lawyer. And once you learn that, then you can always say I can find the answer. But that way you won't get sued for screwing things up. You just know when you don't know.

Speaker 1: 28:22

I asked a tax lawyer one time for employment law stuff and he was like dude, I don't know employment law Exactly, he goes, I can tell you where you can go read about it if you want to learn, yeah. But he was like I can't actually tell you because I have no fucking idea. And it wasn't that. He's a friend, so it's not like he was being a I'm going to protect myself because you'll sue me thing it was. I honestly have no like I don't even know what to do because I've never looked into it.

Speaker 3: 28:47

And this is what people need to do about sexy stuff, and I know it's hard. But, men, when you don't know if your partner wants something and you don't know, you need to say I don't know, you got to give me time, I'm not even sure about this. Give me time and then do your research, because and then we'll wrap up, I think. But one of the last numbers on the that article was that 50% of people have some sort of fantasy or desire that they haven't shared with their partner. Yeah, and I think that number is actually much higher, quite frankly, if because that's my sense. But so if you can just acknowledge that you're not going to know everything, then you can have the courage to ask your partner what they want, what they think about, what they imagine, what might turn them on, because, again, whether they want to do it in real life or not, it's fun to share these things and you can increase your sexy just by bonding over that and creating alternatives. So, yeah, all right.

Speaker 3: 29:49

So there we go. I think that's everything I've got about this. We kind of went off on a tangent.

Speaker 1: 29:54

But, oh my God, we did. That is the worst tangent we've had in months.

Speaker 2: 29:58

I'm sorry guys.

Speaker 1: 30:00

I get out all the way to the end Like I'll give you a sticker if I ever meet you or something, because, oh my God, that yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3: 30:08

Well, we won't go, we won't drag it on longer than at least. So we'll just say thank you guys, thank y'all, thank y'all, thank y'all, thank y'all, thank y'all for being here, being with us, for Come With Us podcast. I'm Beth Darling. If you don't have my book, the Five Kinds of Intimacy, what the hell are you waiting for? Come on, I got an email the other day Sorry, I'm in a break A woman married 43 years 43 years and she said her husband actually wanted to read my book and I don't know these people from Adam, I don't know how they found it or not and she was so excited. She's like I think this is actually going to help us so much. So I'm excited. So go for it.

Speaker 3: 30:46

Go to BethDarlingcom or go to Amazon 43 years and she's like this is giving us, it's going to give us, new life.

Speaker 1: 30:52

So that's like taking steroids once you hit the finish line.

Speaker 3: 30:56

It's not the finish line.

Speaker 1: 30:57

It's not, but I mean it's good, right? No, and I'm all for doing it. Yeah, every relationship, you can always make your relationship better. Yes, but to be married 43 years and survive and not kill each other, or divorce over 43 years and go, hey this is going to keep us going.

Speaker 3: 31:16

They've had their ups and downs. She said what are you going?

Speaker 1: 31:20

Oh, they're going. Not trying to call you extremely old, but I mean life expectancy is what they are, no.

Speaker 3: 31:27

But a lot of people. Again, you have to remember 50% of couples, or 25% of couples, are sexless. 25% of marriages are sexless, so that maybe they just haven't had any sexy fun in a year or so. Anyway, but there you have it. So if you don't have my book yet, please go freaking, get it. Even if you don't read it, do the intimacy at practices in the back. I promise that will help you. So it's the five kinds of intimacy how to keep your love alive. And by Beth Darling. You can find it on Amazon, but you have to type the whole the five kinds of intimacy in there.

Speaker 1: 32:00

So all right. And to prove that I'm rooting for that couple, here's to 55 years. I believe y'all can make it. 55 years of marriage. Yes, happily, I'm not saying you're old or you're you know, getting ready to meet your maker or anything. I hope you guys actually do make it to 55, because that gives me a goal of like yeah, that's right. Fucking awesome.

Speaker 3: 32:18

You deserve that right.

Speaker 1: 32:19

Yeah, right now the goal is 50, and if she doesn't kill me before, then it's a good day.

Speaker 3: 32:24

Knock on wood. All right, there you go. All right, so thank y'all, thank y'all, thank y'all. It has been a pleasure and we can't wait to see you next time. I'm Beth Darling for Erin and I will see you next week. Bye.

Speaker 2: 32:39

Thanks for listening to the Come With Us podcast. Be sure to follow us on social media at Come With Us podcast and send in your questions, comments and confessions to come with us. Confessions at gmailcom. Until next time, keep it fun, flirty and naughty.